Operation Opera is a blog after our own heart. The first scene of Cosi fan tutte rewritten as the script for an episode of Frasier - fantastic. Read and enjoy!
CHARACTERS:
Dr. Frasier Crane, a pompous and snobbish
psychiatrist with a checkered love life.
Dr. Niles Crane,
his equally effete, elitist brother, also a psychiatrist and also
romance-challenged
Martin Crane, their father, a retired
policeman with a taste for beer, country music and
sports.
Eddie, Martin’s Jack Russell terrier, who can take
Frasier or leave him alone.
(Scene:
the living room of Frasier Crane’s Seattle apartment. Niles Crane is seated on
the sofa, Frasier is at the bar. Their father Martin Crane is sitting in his
leather recliner chair reading the newspaper. Martin’s dog Eddie is laying at
his feet.)
FRASIER:
Another
nip of Remy Martin, Niles?
NILES:
Not
for me, thanks. I’m meeting Lara for dinner at Canlis in a little while. I’ve
been wanting to try their smoked pork belly for some time now.
FRASIER:
“Lara”?
Who’s this? Do I know her?
NILES:
No,
I don’t think so – Dr. Lara Peters. We were fellow panelists at a symposium on
anger management last month and just seemed to hit it off. We’ve been out a few
times and… I really think this relationship might be something special.
FRASIER:
(drily)
Yes… “everything’s coming up pork bellies”… What’s she like?
NILES:
Well,
she’s a brilliant psychiatrist, she’s a sparkling conversationalist, she loves
the theater… and… if you must know, she’s stunningly beautiful!
FRASIER:
Niles,
I’m intrigued! You’ll have to have her over for cocktails some evening… unless,
of course, she turns out to be a bit less dazzled by you than you clearly are by
her.
NILES:
Frasier,
that’s the best part: she is crazy about me! She’s constantly emailing me and
sending me very provocative text messages; she adores my sense of humor; …she
appears to be quite smitten if I say so myself.
FRASIER:
Dad,
did you hear that? Niles has achieved the impossible: he’s located an attractive
woman who laughs at his jokes.
Wanna read the read the rest? Yup, there's more. Check it out at
Operation Opera.
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