Frasier = Cosi fan tutte?

Operation Opera is a blog after our own heart. The first scene of Cosi fan tutte rewritten as the script for an episode of Frasier - fantastic. Read and enjoy!

CHARACTERS:

Dr. Frasier Crane, a pompous and snobbish psychiatrist with a checkered love life.

Dr. Niles Crane, his equally effete, elitist brother, also a psychiatrist and also romance-challenged

Martin Crane, their father, a retired policeman with a taste for beer, country music and sports.

Eddie, Martin’s Jack Russell terrier, who can take Frasier or leave him alone.

(Scene: the living room of Frasier Crane’s Seattle apartment. Niles Crane is seated on the sofa, Frasier is at the bar. Their father Martin Crane is sitting in his leather recliner chair reading the newspaper. Martin’s dog Eddie is laying at his feet.)

FRASIER:

Another nip of Remy Martin, Niles?

NILES:

Not for me, thanks. I’m meeting Lara for dinner at Canlis in a little while. I’ve been wanting to try their smoked pork belly for some time now.

FRASIER:

“Lara”? Who’s this? Do I know her?

NILES:

No, I don’t think so – Dr. Lara Peters. We were fellow panelists at a symposium on anger management last month and just seemed to hit it off. We’ve been out a few times and… I really think this relationship might be something special.

FRASIER:

(drily) Yes… “everything’s coming up pork bellies”… What’s she like?

NILES:

Well, she’s a brilliant psychiatrist, she’s a sparkling conversationalist, she loves the theater… and… if you must know, she’s stunningly beautiful!

FRASIER:

Niles, I’m intrigued! You’ll have to have her over for cocktails some evening… unless, of course, she turns out to be a bit less dazzled by you than you clearly are by her.

NILES:

Frasier, that’s the best part: she is crazy about me! She’s constantly emailing me and sending me very provocative text messages; she adores my sense of humor; …she appears to be quite smitten if I say so myself.

FRASIER:

Dad, did you hear that? Niles has achieved the impossible: he’s located an attractive woman who laughs at his jokes.

Wanna read the read the rest? Yup, there's more. Check it out at Operation Opera.